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What is your most important relationship?

October 16, 2013

Today my morning meditation told me that the most important relationship we need to maintain is with ourselves.  I think that is the foundation of every self-help book, 12 step program and therapy session out there.  It’s a simple concept, be nice to yourself, laugh WITH yourself, be confident in yourself and the world will follow suit.  For me, the simplest concepts are the hardest to obtain.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Being Honest with Ourselves
Our relationship with ourselves is the most important relationship we need to maintain. The quality of that relationship will determine the quality of our other relationships.
When we can tell ourselves how we feel, and accept our feelings, we can tell others.
When we can accept what we want and need, we will be ready to have our wants and needs met.
When we can accept what we think and believe, and accept what’s important to us, we can relay this to others.
When we learn to take ourselves seriously, others will too.
When we learn to chuckle at ourselves, we will be ready to laugh with others.
When we have learned to trust ourselves, we will be trustworthy and ready to trust.
When we can be grateful for who we are, we will have achieved self-love.
When we have achieved self-love and accepting our wants and needs, we will be ready to give and receive love.
When we’ve learned to stand on our own two feet, we’re ready to stand next to someone.
Today, I will focus on having a good relationship with myself.

(go here to read more http://www.hazelden.org/web/public/thought.view?catId=1904)

My favorite part is the second to last line, about needing to stand on your own feet in order to stand with someone.  I read that this morning and it really hit me.  It was as if I just had a bite of something I thought I was going to hate but ended up liking, it surprised me and changed my outlook.  Side note, it was like eating something lemon, I never know if its going to zing me or be sweet to me, when its sweet, I get this feeling of “ahhhh”.  That is how reading that line felt to me.

I feel like my whole life I have been trying to stand next to someone or something.  I kept being told to love myself and the rest would come, but I do love myself…don’t I?

The other day I was sharing about how easily I forget and how easily my emotions change.  It makes me crazy this roller coaster of highs and lows.  Luckily, I have ridden this ride long enough to know in my gut that the high always comes back just as I am rational enough to know the lows always do too.  The goal is to just hold on.  I forget often how I got out of those lows and once I do its like EURICKA I found it again!  I often set alarms in my phone of cliché sayings that have rocked me out those funks.  Here are the ones I have now:

  • Don’t give into fear and insecurity
  • Emotional upsets make ME crazy and useless
  • God has a plan
  • Give it to God, now….yes, now…

It makes me feel like a crazy person that I literally I have to remind myself these things on a daily basis or I will forget but today I’d rather feel like a crazy person and have these reminders than ACT like a crazy person without them.  I think I might swap out one reminder for the message I read today.  I have so many girlfriends, and I as well fall victim to this, that change for love or feel like they will love themselves once they get someone elses approval.  It’s so easy for my to see it in my friends and yell, STOP! you’re amazing!  Just relax and keep loving yourself and the rest will come.  But when it comes to my personal relationships, it is not so easy to see it for myself, even though I think I am pretty rad.  Somedays I just forget that I am rad.

Before I started my road to recovery, I didn’t like myself, I didn’t even know myself.  I couldn’t sit alone with my thoughts or laugh at my mistakes, I couldn’t sit still in my own skin.  I always had to have something to fill that hole inside, food, drinking, shopping, men, anything to keep me away from myself.  Today there is nothing more that I cherish than a day to myself.  A day to dance in the mirror, sing out loud, lay on the couch, write, sleep, anything.  There is a stillness that I appreciate in today which I have come to understand as serenity.  Serenity obtained from learning to stand on my own feet and learning to feed my relationship with myself first, then use whatever is left to feed everyone else.

This reading really brought me back to basics today.  Sometimes I need that, a spotlight of simple in my chatoic life, because I forget the basics just like I forget everything else.

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3 Comments
  1. christyrenee31 permalink

    I can totally relate to what you’re saying here. Thank you for loving yourself so well and teaching everyone around you to love themselves so they can better love others.

  2. Michelle permalink

    I love that you used RAD! You are Crazy Rad!!

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