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rule #62

January 16, 2014

Don’t take yourself too seriously, or is that rule 63?  That’s an AA joke so if you don’t get its ok.  Basically, we AA’s stereotyped ourselves as controlling and rigid.  Therefore, needing rules for everything, even for coming back to reality.  At least that is how I interpet that joke.  I find as I get older that the way I interpret common things is not how the rest of the world interprets the same thing.

I have the first week of my new job under my belt and this week I started to get my own work.  That’s an exaggeration, TODAY I got ONE file of my own and half of the work was already done for me.  Still, I am stressing out.  I am trying to figure out the best means of organizing my work phone calendar, work computer calendar and personal calendar so that I am not constantly looking at all three to make sure I know my schedule.  ONE file people, one file people.

I am lucky living in an apartment of packed boxes because my dad and his wife came and packed my apartment for me.  Another feat I deemed too overwhelming for myself.  Organization, at least the lack of it, makes me cry.  Before they came to pack, I would look at my apartment and just not know where to start.  Instead of starting I would play Candy Crush and try to block out the voice that repeated, “you have so much stuff to do”.  They came in fully armed with trash bags, boxes, bubble wrap, tissue, markers and bottled waters.  Like soldiers they categorized and got it done.  I was helpless.  I think I packed one box while they did 100, but I shredded documents like a mad woman.  identity fraud freaks me out so I hoard all my documents.  I got a shredder for work and I am in love!

There was a boy who shared at a meeting that he is scared about turning 21 and not drinking.  He shared how he can’t face that day sober and isn’t sure how to enjoy the rest of his life.  It reminded me that this blog was supposed to help the younger person in recovery learn how to have fun, sober.  My life is a blast but I am not really sure how to express it.  For one, I remember ALL of it and I feel it, ALL DAY LONG.  That means that those deep belly laughs I get every so often, linger.  Example, on new years eve at approximately 11:50 P.M. I was laying on my boyfriend’s couch and I pulled my groined muscle.  I couldn’t lift my upper torso without intense pain.  The funny part was that I pulled it while attempting to reach my cake on the coffee table without fully getting up.  I was leaning, half of my body falling off the couch, attempting to reach the cake when I pulled it.  My pure laziness and addiction to sweets made me pull my groin.  I am sure the lack of exercise and that intense twisting movement caused it.  Anyway, my boyfriend and I laughed for a solid thee minutes straight.  I laughed and yelled from the pain at the same time which didn’t help.  It got better after about 30 mins but it was touch and go there for awhile.  We couldn’t look at each other, we laughing so hard.

Now that doesn’t sound like a story that should be categorized under, “fun times in sobriety”, but it was.  To be able to live in the moment and truly laugh at yourself with someone who knows you so well is what my life in sobriety has been made up of.  I had a good friend come visit me from Maryland.  Her mom sent her here with a big ziplock bags of treats.  I love treats and this was the best bag I had seen.  It had peanut M&M’s, actually I don’t remember much else it had but I remember those M&M’s and thinking the rest was  Anyway, I asked her for some and she said no, that those were her treats.  I bugged her about them all weekend and she wouldn’t share.  It turned into one of those joke/slightly real jokes that can’t really be real because if it was I would be a complete nut job for being mad at her over it, but really couldn’t let it go kind of jokes. I still bring it up when I try to make a point to her about something completely irreverent to our current conversations.  It is something that truly makes us both laugh.  I love that stuff.

I had great inside jokes and stories that I still tell with my friends that I used to drink with, but I don’t remember truly laughing then.  Like truly laughing.  Today, when I think about all the little things that make me laugh and keep me from turning into full-blown Creepy Caiters, I not ony remember them but I feel them.  That is the fun of sobriety.  It’s hard to really express that to a 20-year-old boy with 3 days sober who thinks his life is over.  If someone told me, “don’t worry sweetie, you’re going to laugh and feel it!” I’d be like, “I’d rather have a 40”.  I guess that’s why people simply say, keep coming back.

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  1. god I’ll buy you M&M’s girl

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