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Time blows my mind, so does coconut oil

February 12, 2014

So, let’s get the hard part out-of-the-way.  Tomorrow will be ten years since my mom passed away.  I don’t really feel one way or the other about it.  I feel pretty shitty about it on other days so I figure not caring today is OK.  That was harsh, I don’t not care, I am just not in a deep depression of photo albums and tissues.  I feel like these last 4 years have been me feeling, digesting and grieving.  I am kind of over all that hard work, at least for today.  When I was drinking, these dates used to destroy me.  Actually, more like I used these dates as a reason to get destroyed.  Her birthday, her death date, and any holiday was a day that was defined by the lack of my moms presence and the only way to get through it was to get completely F’d up.  Oh, Sunday’s, Thursday’s and Friday’s were also, let’s get F’d up days, but that was because those were the fun days of the week.  Tuesday, Wednesday and Saturday’s were good drinking days too but in a more causal way.  Monday’s, come one, I deserved to drink on Monday’s to cure my case of the Monday’s.

Tangent.  My point is, I feel, grieve and miss my mom all the time not just on special dates but I feel like I have made a lot of progress with it.  I am learning to live with it a little bit better.  Tomorrow I will go visit her with my dad, we will grab breakfast after and then I will get to work and finish my day as normal.  I have learned to acknowledge my grief and emotions, then get back to life.  A therapist once told me that emotions are just energy in motion, just got to let the energy out then continue on with life.  That’s probably the best part of sobriety, learning to live with my emotions and not let them rule my life.

Don’t get me wrong, I miss my mom everyday.  I know she is probably reading this like, What?  That’s it?  No tears?  Its been ten years, come on!  So mom, when you read this from heaven just know, I miss you everyday, not just once a year.  Crazy that a decade has passed.  The older I get the faster time flies.  It makes me sad a little bit but also comes in handy when you only get to see your boyfriend every other week.

On to the coconut oil.  I am obsessed.  Last week I looked in the mirror and noticed that I had aged about 10 years.  Wrinkles appeared that were never there before.  I was obsessed with taking nonchalant selfies to see how the wrinkles looked from different positions.  My make up didn’t help either, it just made it worse.  So of course I went to the all-knowing Goggle for some help.  I typed, almost 30 with wrinkles, HELP!  Up came a blog on coconut oil and all the magnificent miracles that it can perform.  I had a three-hour lay over on my way to Florida so I did much research and came to the conclusion that I need to throw out all my beauty products and buy stock in coconut oil.

Last night my girl friend came over and we tried it out. I first made a smoothie with it.  Delicious.  The oil is supposed to help with digestion and metabolism when it is digested.  It is suggested to eat 3 tablespoons of it a day.  Since 3 tablespoons is 11 Weight Watcher points, I only did two tablespoons which is still 7 points!  During the week I am very rigid on my points.  I get 26 a day and I try to stretch them out the best I can.  However, I have learned that when my boyfriend is in town, when I go out to eat with anyone and on weekends that all food is zero points.  Little loop-hole that helps me out.

So I drank my smoothie then moved to the bathroom.  We started by putting some on our hands to test our skin but when we felt how divine it made our hands feel we dove right in!  Put some on our face, neck, elbows, arms, legs, hair and feet.  Man I smell and feel like a tropical paradise.  I jumped out of bed to check and see if the oil erased all the wrinkles, it didn’t but it was so soft.  I am going to keep at it for a while and I will let you know how it goes.

I know some of you are like, wrinkles? Yea right get over it.  I will admit, when I was trying to show my friend last night the wrinkles, she couldn’t find them, she was being nice but I also know they aren’t as bad as I imagine them to be. Aging just freaks me out.  I want to always be attractive, doesn’t everyone?

Florida was a blast.  It had been almost three weeks since I saw my man friend and I was really looking forward to this trip.  It feels like I waited 3 weeks for this trip, got there and turned right around in a blink.  It’s not fair how the good times go ten times faster than regular time.  We went to all 4 Disney parks in one day.  It was pouring rain and we bought the plastic ponchos.  We looked like real tourist.  We had hats on, you know, the one with the ear flaps, sweaters and the ponchos while other people were in shorts and sandals.  I still think that they are the weird ones and we are just practical.

Work is tough.  One week I think I am good at it and the next I realize I have no idea what I am doing and have to go back and redo all my work.  Today I messed up.  I hate learning by failure, why can’t I learn by perfection?  Everyone I talk to is like, youre learning, it’s OK.  It doesn’t feel OK.  It feels like I am a big fat loser that is going to lose her job, beautiful apartment and riding the bus soon because I sold my car when I got the company car.

Breathe.

At least there is tomorrow.

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5 Comments
  1. Shari permalink

    Haha! Coconut oil 101!! Let’s see if our youth comes back next, otherwise Botox…in the next 10 years.

  2. <—running to grab an economy sized bottle of coconut oil!! Your blogs brighten my day 🙂

  3. I cant believe its been 10 years. How time has changed all of our lives. Please give your Dad my best…. I think of him often….

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