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30 and sober doesn’t sound as fun

September 10, 2014

Seeing that today is the last day of my 20’s, I thought maybe I should say a little something. I was a little late starting a blog about being in your 20’s and sober. I wanted to write about how young people can be sober and have a fun life. What it should have been about, or I guess what it did end up being about is how to live a “normal life” without alcohol. Who the hell knows what normal is though. I guess for me, its being a person amongst people, a worker amongst workers, a person that loves without expectations all without giving into my crazy head that tells me one minute I am the queen of the universe and worthless the next. The road to normalcy, for me, is a thin road between the land where Creepy deserves your job, your house and your car on one side and the land were Creepy gives you her job, house and car for you to just like her on the other side. Sometimes, my head is so filled with chaos that I’m like a baby learning to walk, just stumbling from land to land.

I was talking to someone in program last night about how excited he was that he was able to pay for some repairs he needed to his car. He was excited that he took care of his responsibilities and had the money to do so. Only people in fellowship get why that’s exciting to us, that we are able to do things like that and its even fun to us. Only in fellowship will people clap for you because you did something that “normal” people do all the time, like pay your bills on time or go to work on time.

My life isn’t always fun. I have a job that I feel under qualified for sometimes and intimidated by. This week has been one of those weeks that I was convinced someone was going to find out I have no idea what I am doing and fire me. I’ll get fired and have no money to save for the wedding and we will lose the deposit on my dream venue. The truth is, I am exactly where I need to be. I am learning at my job and people are more than willing to teach me. All my work reviews have been good, great actually, but its hard for me to see that sometimes when I don’t feel confident. I am in the middle of moving in with my fiancee. This is the first time I will have a roommate in 7 years and the first time living with a lova. My place is filled with boxes and just crap. How did I accumulate so much crap? Why do I have every No Doubt and Little Mermaid memorabilia ever created and why can’t I get rid of any of it? I have put shirts in the “donate” box and then worn them the next day thinking, I love this shirt, donate? No way. I have so much of my moms stuff that I continue to take with me move after move that hold no value to me yet I just cannot let go of.

You know, normal stuff? This is just stuff everyone deals with and does. I just tend to over react and over dramatize things to the point where they feel unmanageable and I miss all the great blessings that come with it. Its like I am missing the, it’s no big deal gene or something.

But its good. Fun, almost. It’s not going to a food truck and eating like you have a metabolism of an 18-year-old but its I’m a grown up and able to do these things fun. All my life I had no idea how easy it was to make big decisions. I want to move in with my lova, just give 30 days to your land lord and pack. You want to get married, just take money from your savings and give it to the place you want to get married. The hard part or I guess, the journey of it all is doing that with a balanced head so you are marrying the right person and putting your life on a path that is healthy and blessed by God. Well, for me blessed by God, that might not be your thing and that’s cool.

Turning 30, moving and getting married is super fun once all the details are cleared. I am marring someone that lets me be crazy and just says, it will all work out.  The cool thing for me, maybe not so cool for him, is that I am comfortable being “not perfect” around him.  I don’t have to pretend I am not going crazy so that he will like me.  I know he likes me, have you met me?  why wouldn’t he? (See, I just stubled across both lands there in one sentance).  I am getting older with my friends and family that let me be apart of their journey. I get to be apart of new people being born into this world and watch them grow. I get to work at a job that teaches me something each day and that I enjoy. That’s all fun stuff. So I guess this blog is about being sober and having fun. The fun just doesn’t look the same as it did when I was younger and I am so grateful for that.

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  1. Shari permalink

    I did a double take when I saw this blog email, glad you did another one!!! So many changes since your first one, love it! Love them all!

  2. Sounds like things are falling into place. We do get that initial thrill of doing “normal” things, and then move past that and start to really live life – from the mundane to the painful to the soaring joys. The world doesn’t stop because we decide to get sober, but we sure as hell find a new place in it.

    Great stuff. Sober is good. Sober is fun. It’s what you make of it 🙂

  3. Michael Leasure permalink

    You. Are. Awesome. I’m so glad we’re friends. You are a great writer. I’m very happy for you and your new life… Bravo Creepy. Bravo.

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